


Beacon in the Night

by myrthrilmercury



Category: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Astronomy, Daydreaming, First Kiss, First Meetings, Friendship/Love, Inspired by Music, Love at First Sight, M/M, Memories, Men Crying, Mutual Pining, Mythology References, Past Character Death, Reunions, Star-crossed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-28
Updated: 2015-04-28
Packaged: 2018-03-26 03:29:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3835330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myrthrilmercury/pseuds/myrthrilmercury
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three weeks after the events of Soultaker, the memories of their time together remain powerful, and the separation threatens to consume them.</p><p>Inspired by Armin van Buuren's "Safe Inside You."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beacon in the Night

_The stars come nightly to the sky,_  
_The tidal wave unto the sea;_  
_Nor time, nor space, nor deep, nor high,_  
_Can keep my own away from me._  
_-John Burroughs, “Waiting”_

***

Mike Nelson sat at the window, arms wrapped around the legs folded against the front of his body, blankly staring at the red nebula punctuating the sea of stars in the distance. It wasn’t visible from here, and he didn’t know where the SOL was in relation to it at this point, but Earth was somewhere in the vast reaches of space.

And so was he.

It had been three weeks since Joel Robinson left, and Mike could not get him off his mind. 

There were a number of reasons for this. For one, Joel had saved his life, as well as those of the ‘bots. While he had been through several harrowing experiences in his life, never before had he faced certain death. But Joel had been so cool and collected throughout the whole ordeal.

Which brought Mike to the next reason: compared to him, Joel had it together. He had managed to get back on his feet after crash landing in the Australian Outback, and had somehow managed to earn enough money to get himself a working spaceship and find his way to the SOL. He also knew exactly what to do to fix everything that had gone haywire, and barely even batted an eye in the process. The ‘bots were thrilled to see Joel. From watching him with them, it was obvious they adored him, and he loved them as a father would his own children.

And, at the same time, it hurt.

There was Joel, competent and well-loved, and Mike was barely keeping his head above water. Any semblance of being in command had crumbled in the face of his own anxiety and insecurity. If everything had been up to him, they’d all be dead now. Sure, he kludged his way through essential repairs, but would any of them have worked? 

Compared to how Crow and Tom acted when Joel was there; it was obvious they were just tolerating Mike. Sure, when they weren’t getting into trouble, playing pranks on him, or outright making fun of him, they were nice. That was only about ten percent of the time though, or so it seemed. And even that was only earned after riffing a few movies with them. Prior to that, Mike had felt like the new kid in school that didn’t know anybody—the one all the teachers told the other kids to be nice to, but good luck not getting crammed into a locker when the teacher wasn’t looking. 

Five years ago, Gypsy cared about Joel enough to formulate an escape plan when she believed his life was in danger. Did she or the others even care enough about Mike to take the same risks?

Mike knew that the offer to help out at the hot fish shop still stood, but in order to do that, he’d have to somehow escape the SOL and get back to Earth. There had been one escape pod, but nobody would be stupid enough to build two. 

Quite frankly, if it were up to him, he’d never figure out how to get back to Earth. He couldn’t even steel his nerves when they were all on the verge of death, much less form a coherent thought. The ‘bots had all been looking up to him when Gypsy was unable to take command; and he failed miserably. 

At this point, Mike resigned himself to his fate. He’d grow old and die in space. Sure, maybe Joel would show up 10 years from now, if the SOL was still operational and he cared enough. Maybe then he’d have the ability to rescue them and return them to Earth. Joel’s greatest regret had been not being able to take anyone with him. He had barely scraped together enough to get himself up into space, and a spaceship with the capacity to hold more than one person would have likely bankrupted him at this point. Joel had been nonchalant about not taking anyone with him when Pearl, Frank, and the ‘bots were there, but from his conversations with Mike later on, it was obvious the guilt was consuming him.

No. He wasn’t coming back. And even if he did come back, he’d just take the ‘bots. Not him. Why would he?

As he settled further into his spot by the window, Mike glanced behind his left shoulder, recalling how Joel would walk up behind him and wrap his arms around him. Mike would turn his head as he was now and rest it on Joel’s left arm, and he would then reach up and rest his hands on top of Joel’s arms as he leaned back. The strongest memory of the gesture was not just how blissful and content it made Mike, but for the first time in years, he also felt safe.

And unless he shaped up, he would never again feel that way, because he’d never see Joel ever again.  
***  
Three weeks ago, after pressing the button, Mike heard something behind the theater doors. When he forced them open to check, he found Joel hiding in front of Door #6.

Joel had wanted to spend more time with the ‘bots since he hadn’t seen them in years, and his spaceship had enough life support left to spend another 24 hours in space. From the bond Mike saw between Joel and the ‘bots, he couldn’t blame him. Who wouldn’t want to spend more time with what were essentially your own children?

While Joel was with the ‘bots, Mike crept off to his room. Well, it was Joel’s room, actually. He was really just an uninvited guest crashing the place. That fact made him all the more surprised when Joel came over to see him without the ‘bots in tow.

They talked for hours on end, never once leaving the room. Mike’s initial impression of him way back in the day had been correct. 

When he first saw Joel through the screen, he already knew. He knew that they were the same; that they would understand each other. Throughout the years, he would find himself wondering about the man whose place he had taken. Was he alive? How was he? Was his first impression of him right? And why did he think about him so often? It was as if all he had to do was look at Joel to be captured by him. 

Joel did understand him. Even though he would never hold a candle to Joel, Joel understood him and accepted him for who he was. He even seemed to like him for it.

When they finally met face to face and shook hands, something inside Mike snapped. His heart was pounding, his temperature rose, and he was barely able to speak. When he placed his hand on top of Joel’s, the sensation was electrifying. It was almost as if his hand were tingling. 

Thankfully, there still was some time left in the movie. Otherwise, Mike might have done something incredibly stupid. He hadn’t been so nervous in years. But why? Although he resumed riffing with the ‘bots in the theater like nothing had happened, the question remained in the back of his mind. 

Eventually, Mike was able to calm down once he was distracted enough. But then came time for a break. The moment he saw Joel, the butterflies circulated throughout him once again. Then Joel just started going on about the fuel filter like nothing had ever happened. Mike couldn’t help but wonder if anyone else could tell that his heart was about to jump out of his chest at any given moment. 

When Joel made his escape to avoid having his soul taken, Mike was slightly relieved, but also disappointed. Was that it? He was leaving just like that, without taking any of them along?

Then he pushed the button like a man. One day, being in space would make a man out of him, just like it did Joel. The ‘bots seemed to agree on this.

Mike didn’t.  
***  
Mike pushed himself up from his spot by the window. He hated having nothing to do. It made him think too much.

He headed back to the bridge, since Pearl and her cronies would be calling soon. That would distract him for a little while, at least. But once the movie was over, the button was pushed, and the ‘bots had gone their own separate ways, the longing would come back. It wouldn’t be so bad if Mike could at least talk to someone about it—preferably Joel. But unless Joel had left behind some sort of tricorder or something, there was no way they would be speaking anytime soon. That fact was what hurt the most, not the feelings or the memories that continued welling up inside of Mike and threatened to burst. 

When he thought of their conversation in his room, Mike always recalled Joel’s answer to his question about whether being on the SOL truly was the best period in Joel’s life.

“If you asked me that earlier, I would have told you I was lying,” Joel had replied. “But now, I’m not so sure.”

Why?

Joel had no bills, no responsibilities, and a roof over his head, as well as the ‘bots. On Earth, he had a hot fish shop to run. That wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but customers do not frequent a hot fish shop during a Minnesota winter, so it was closed between October and April. And hopefully, he had either made enough money during the summer, or stretched it out enough, so he could actually pay all the bills and stay in his apartment during the offseason. 

Most of all, he was alone. Sure, he knew the customers and the suppliers, but none of them could be considered friends. His family was still in Green Bay, and he never saw them. That was what troubled Joel about having been on the SOL all those years: missing out on what had been happening with his family. Not only did he have two nephews he never knew existed, but he only learned about the death of his father through an obituary that had run in the _Green Bay Press-Gazette_ ten months before he made it back to the Midwest. He had only managed to happen upon the obituary by going through the newspaper archive of the library he had been at on his way to Osseo.

For all the anguish and isolation Mike had felt all these years, at least he didn’t lose someone important and not hear about it until after the fact because no one in his family even knew or believed that he was still alive. Mike couldn’t even imagine what that would feel like, to have a part of you ripped out and not even realize it was missing until the exit wound had been festering for months on end.

Anguish. That was another aspect where Joel handled his time on the SOL far better than Mike ever did. While Mike had been despondent, Joel simply made himself some companions and basically treated the experience like summer camp. If he had any ill will at all towards the Mads, he didn’t display or dwell on it.

Mike snapped out of his trance when he noticed Crow walking by with a large stack of spreadsheet printouts in his arms.  
***  
They had watched some horrendous movies over the past few years, but this one was easily in the top five of the worst Mike and the ‘bots had ever been forced to sit through. It had everything: cyborgs, dinosaur puppets, and a “nun” with a poorly hidden pregnancy, along with enough cardboard boxes to fill every post office on Earth 300 times over. 

Mike sighed in resignation and leaned back further in his seat, with Joel’s words echoing in his brain.

_“It made a man out of me, and it’ll make a man out of you, too.”_

No, it wouldn’t. Even if he watched this fifteen more times, it wouldn’t happen. All Mike could conclude was that Joel already had it together before he even initially ended up in space.

This was why Joel’s initial response to his question about the statement had been so baffling.

It was past midnight by that point, and they were both extremely comfortable with one another and joking around. When Mike asked how many more movies it would take to make a man out of him, he was expecting a sardonic response. 

Instead, Joel sighed deeply as his demeanor grew serious. “I wasn’t necessarily lying about my years up here being the best years of my life, but _that_ was definitely a lie.”

Mike tilted his head to one side and turned to face Joel. “What do you mean?”

“Sure, I put on this big act in front of you and the ‘bots, but I’m not much of a man at all. I covered the Australian Outback like a gypsy before I finally made it back to the Midwest and established some sort of living. It took forever to earn enough to get up here on what I do make. If I don’t have a good season, I seriously have to worry about whether or not I’ll be out on the street. If you’re eating ramen for three weeks, what’s the next step? Turning tricks to pay rent?” Joel slumped forward and cradled his chin in his hands. “And what kind of man abandons what are essentially his own children?”

“You didn’t abandon them,” Mike immediately stated. “They helped you escape. You had no choice. You didn’t know if the Mads were really going to kill you or not.”

“I had no choice,” Joel repeated. “Sure, it makes you feel better for a few minutes when you tell yourself that, but it doesn’t change anything.” He sat back up and turned to face Mike. “I know Gypsy thought she was doing the right thing. But, once I crash landed in the Australian Outback, I had no way of supporting myself…and I was alone. It was the second time I lost the people who were the most important.”

Mike nodded, remembering how he had felt that first Christmas.

“…And, it really hurt. I was free. No more experiments. No possibility of being killed on a whim. I was thrilled about that at the time. But then reality set in. Everybody who should have been there with me wasn’t.”

Suddenly, it all made sense to Mike. No wonder he felt a connection: they were both lonely, damaged souls who had had everything they ever treasured and loved torn away from them and shredded like obsolete paperwork. For Joel, all returning to Earth had done was rip the scab off the freshly healed wound.

“Did you ever see your family again?”

Joel nodded weakly. “I did…once they finally believed it was me. Everybody thought I was dead. And Dad…he never knew what happened to me.” Joel buried his face in his hands. “He thought I had died before him up to the very end…”

Wordlessly, Mike pushed himself next to Joel and cradled the other man in his arms. Joel shoved his face against Mike’s shoulder, desperately trying not to break down. However, the shuddering of his chest betrayed him.

“I can be up here for a little while longer, but then I have to leave, and it’s right back to Earth. My family’s out of state, so it’s not like I see or talk to them much…” The floodgates opened, and the tears came streaming down. “I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

“I know how you feel,” Mike said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I know I’m not necessarily alone up here, but I’m away from everything and everyone that’s ever been important to me, and I don’t know if I’ll ever get back to Earth or see any of them again.” He placed his head on Joel’s shoulder. “The first Christmas was the worst. I knew everyone was down on Earth without me, all wondering what happened. I don’t know whether or not they think I’m still alive. I did the same thing you did back then.”

Joel looked up at Mike, his face stained with tears. “What do you mean?”

“I put on a brave face for the ‘bots, but when the movie was over and they went off to do their own thing, I came in here, locked the door, and cried for about an hour.” It was getting increasingly difficult for Mike not to do just that.

“This is because Joel stopped by recently, isn’t it?”

Mike gasped and looked around before remembering he was in the theater. Thankfully, it was dark enough that the ‘bots couldn’t see the deer in headlights look on his face. All things considered, he hadn’t missed very much. It wasn’t like the movie made much sense anyway.  
***  
After the movie was over and he pushed the button, Mike crept back to his room and left the ‘bots to their own devices. He locked the door and lay down on his bed, and then resumed reminiscing about his time with Joel. 

About an hour after their mutual crying jags ended, they resumed their previous conversation. By this point, they were sitting very close to one another. When Joel clasped one of Mike’s hands in his, Mike didn’t pull back or object. Instead, Joel’s touch was soothing. The stirring sensation from before came back, but Mike no longer felt nervous. Instead, it felt… _right._

“I remember when I saw your face in the screen the first time,” Joel began. “I felt a spark of some kind.”

Intrigued, Mike looked into Joel’s eyes. 

“This was someone I needed to know, and needed to remember. I was right. I see myself in you.”

“M-me?” Mike repeated. “But, why?”

Joel gazed intently into Mike’s eyes. “I see someone who knows and accepts me for who I am.”

Mike’s heart beat faster as he nodded. The butterflies in his stomach were beginning to come back. “I feel the same way about you.”

“I feel like I’ve known you for years.” Gingerly, Joel ran the side of his free hand down the edge of Mike’s left cheek, and appeared both surprised and relieved Mike didn’t say anything or pull back. “And once I have to leave…that makes it hurt even more.” 

Joel noticed the puzzled look on Mike’s face and explained further. “I only have enough room in the spaceship for myself. I couldn’t afford to make it any bigger.” He released Mike’s hand and turned his head away. “I wanted to bring the ‘bots back to Earth with me, but…”

“I know.”

“But I can’t even afford to do that,” Joel continued. “And now that I know you’re here, and you’ll be stuck up here too once I’m gone…” From the look on Joel’s face, Mike feared that he could cry again at any given moment. “Some man I am.”

“Joel,” Mike pleaded in a hushed tone as he pulled the other man closer. Their faces were mere inches away. “Stop it. Don’t be so hard on yourself.” 

“But—“

Imitating Joel’s earlier gesture, Mike slowly ran all the fingers of his right hand down Joel’s left cheek. “You’re here. You saved us all. That’s enough.”

They remained close and entwined for a few moments, staring intently at one another, uncertain of who should make the next move. Finally, Mike mustered all of his courage and ever so slightly brushed his lips against the other man’s. They stayed like that for a bit, frozen in time, feeling more like awkward adolescents than grown men at that point. 

When their lips finally parted, Mike stared at Joel anxiously, expecting him to get up and storm out of the room. Instead, Joel encircled his arms around Mike and moved his head forward, sealing the next kiss. It was different now, without the same awkward aura as the first. Instead, it was thrilling and comforting at the same time…even _perfect._

It was unclear or unimportant how much time passed from that point forward. All that mattered, and all that existed, was Joel and the chained kisses that never really ended, the closeness of their bodies and breath, and the fingers and hands that were alternatively tracing paths through hair, across skin, pulling one another closer, or clasping together.

Mike’s train of thought derailed when he felt something rough brush against his face. He prodded the pillow he had been using and discovered a small slip of paper that was folded in half and had been shoved into the pillowcase.

“Mike!” Gypsy yelled from the hallway. “Dinner!”

“Coming!” Mike answered. He placed the paper in his pocket before opening the door and stepping out.  
***  
Joel had left in the dead of night. If he waited until the ‘bots were awake, the goodbyes would be longer and more painful. Also, he didn’t have enough power on the spaceship to stay much longer.

Joel’s spaceship had been outside of the full-length window where Mike now stood, staring blankly into space. There was a small porthole where Mike was able to see inside the spaceship while Joel started everything up and adjusted various settings to his liking. Mike pushed his right hand against the glass where the porthole was, watching Joel intently.

Everything was ready to go, but Joel turned and looked out the porthole one last time. He pressed his left hand against the porthole’s glass, placing it across from Mike’s hand. As Joel moved his hand across the glass, Mike moved his in tandem, lining up their palms and fingers as they traced patterns through the two layers of glass.

“Mike, what the hell are you doing?”

Mike snapped back to reality and turned his head to see a confused Gypsy staring at him. He looked down at his right hand, which was pressed against the window. The window was covered with streaks from where he had been tracing patterns across the glass.

“Nothing…it’s nothing. I’ll get that.” Mike walked over to the supply closet for some Windex. He then remembered the slip of paper in his pocket. He pulled out the paper and opened it to see a brief note and recognized the handwriting as Joel’s. 

_Stay strong. You are never alone. I’ll be back for you someday._

Mike folded the paper back up and pressed it against his chest.  
***  
The hot fish shop had been closed for half an hour; and everything had been cleaned up and put away. But Joel Robinson remained at the window, staring up at the night sky. Before heading back up to the SOL, he had always thought about the ‘bots and wondered what was happening in space. However, he had been gazing into the night much more frequently over the past three weeks than he ever had before. 

In one fleeting instant, a meteor streaked across the sky. Then again, it was the right time of the year. Joel hadn’t been paying attention to dates or star charts this year, but this was right around when the Eta Aquarids were supposed to peak. Memories of poring over star charts, fiddling with telescopes, and lying in the grass staring up at the sky as a young boy came flooding back. Considering what the future had held, it was a rather ironic bit of kismet that Joel had felt a connection with the night sky and its clockwork patterns as a child. For as long as he could remember, he could watch the wheel of time turning through every spoke: Leo when the ground began to thaw, Cygnus as the fireflies beckoned, Andromeda as the nights began overtaking the days, and Orion before the horizon exploded in a maelstrom of dazzling colors and lights that seemed to consume you the longer you stared.

It was bemusing that he had thought of Andromeda. Perseus had found the maiden, but had failed to remove her chains. 

It was getting fairly late, and Joel figured it would probably be a good idea to head home. Then again, it wasn’t much of a home anyway. Two more meteors pierced the darkness, and Joel found himself wondering if the meteor shower was visible from space. 

The solitude of the past three weeks had been agonizing, even more so than before his interstellar travels. But for a few fleeting moments, as the next meteor began its flight across the horizon, the burden became much easier to bear upon the sudden realization that somewhere in the vast reaches of space, Mike could be watching the meteors as well, and it was entirely possible that their gazes were transfixed upon the exact same shooting star. For one brief moment, time and distance would not matter. Through the same ephemeral firework, their eyes would meet, and they would be connected. Together.

Joel left the building and locked the door behind him. It wasn’t really _that_ late. He didn’t have to go back home right away. He had finally gotten hold of a few new parts to replace what had burned off in the reentry of Earth’s atmosphere, and that spaceship wasn’t going to rebuild itself. 

Joel had always had four reasons to return to space. Now he had another, and that was the most important one. Someday, he’d finish rebuilding the spaceship, head back out, save everyone for real this time, and come home. There would be no more obstacles, no more distance, and no more solitude. Just him, Mike, and the ‘bots: his _family._ And for once in his life, he would be a complete man.

Joel got in his car, turned the engine, and began heading towards the storage garage where he kept the spaceship. Hopefully, it wouldn’t be all that much longer until he could repair all of the previous damage, get the rest of the parts, and finish enlarging the spaceship to hold all of the others.

Someday he would obtain the winged sandals, rescue Andromeda, and return to Seriphus with Andromeda and his children, where they would live out the rest of their days.

And perhaps someday, after they had both passed on, their ashes would be scattered throughout the heavens, and they would remain together in the cosmos for eternity.

Someday.

**Author's Note:**

> My first new fic with this pairing and fandom in 6 1/2 years. *dies* I do NOT want to wait that long again.


End file.
